BY NAOMI WILLIAMS

I’m tired, a lot.

I forget, a lot.

I’m spacey and fragmented, a lot.

I’m sad.

I cry. My heart hurts, a lot.

I laugh.

I’m crass.

I’m sarcastic, a lot.

I’m a lot.

I lament, a lot.

I give, a lot.

I don’t sleep, a lot.

I eat unhealthy, a lot.

I have to reset, a lot.

I manage a lot.

I have to navigate a lot.

I no longer cuss a lot.

I’m a work in progress, as this is a lot.

There’s a lot going on.

There’s been a lot of loss in less than 12 months.

There’s a lot of loss on a daily basis.

There’s a lot of love to give.

There’s a lot of loss yet to come.

It’s a lot.

Life is unfair.

People are unaware and even mean.

I feel helpless and in despair, a lot.

I adventure a lot.

I explore a lot.

I ask Why a lot.

I’m intentional a lot.

I criticize myself a lot.

I praise you a lot.

I seek grounding and balance a lot.

A lot to gather,

A lot to prepare,

A lot to process,

Life is a lot and I have a lot more living to do.

A lot of people don’t get it because they don’t live it.

A lot of people ignore us because the messiness of this life makes them uncomfortable.

A message from Naomi about this poem

Sometimes when my therapist asks me how I am doing, I say, “I am.” In the past, I might have answered good, bad, tired, angry, overwhelmed, hurt, etc.  However, I’ve hit a life phase where no word fully captures how I am or how I am feeling and all I can muster is “I am”. During this time, the phrase ‘a lot’ seemed to be on repeat, running around like a hamster on a wheel rent-free in my head.

During one of those moments where I was saying to myself ‘this is a lot,” I took the time to sit with the thought and really feel it. I began to write and feel all that was and is going on. Taking  the time to connect with myself —to register all that I do, all that I carry, all that I have to listen to, all that I feel and try not to feel — enabled me to give myself grace. That empowered me to pat myself on the back, validate myself and say I’m doing a fantastic job. It also showed me that I have lots of reasons that I can’t keep it all together all the time. Sometimes, you have to step back and recognize your fragility in your strength, and give yourself flowers.

I really wrote this poem for myself. I want to share with you should you find yourself in a similar place. The poem is also something tangible that I can come back to when overwhelm begins to take over and I can’t see or feel any good. It’s a way to ground me by saying, “Yes, this is a lot, and you have the tools to get through this valley up to the next mountain top.”

Naomi D. Williams is a perfectly imperfect person on a mission to empower individuals and families to live their best life, now. As a Life Doula, she helps people navigate and process major life altering events. Naomi believes anyone and everyone can and should lead an exceptional life. She is the proud mother of a former 26-week preemie who lives with a host of diagnoses that fall under the primary umbrella of spastic quadriplegia cerebral palsy. She uses her and her son’s past and present experiences to inform and partner with healthcare systems as they live out the consequences of not being considered a valuable member of their care team. Naomi is the author of And God Remembered Noah: A mother’s heart-opening journey through 22 weeks in the NICU. When not advocating for her family or others, you can find Naomi getting lost exploring nature or taking a deep breath on her yoga mat. Find her at exceptionalliving101.org , Noahland.Art  and on NC-d. com or Linked In