Neonatal Intensive Care

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The NICU is unlike any other environment and can feel strange and disorienting. This is not how you had hoped for your child’s life to begin, and you are understandably worried for their future. The medical team is compassionate and understanding, but the rules are strict. Things may change at any time; decisions must be made. You are focused on your vulnerable child but aware that others need you—and you need them too. The NICU may be very overwhelming, but recognizing what you’re feeling can make your stay seem a little more manageable.

Your Team:

Psychologist

A mental health professional who uses therapy and other strategies to support coping and adjustment and treat concerns regarding social, emotional, or behavioral functioning.

Therapist

A professional who teaches lessons about emotions, thoughts, coping skills, facing fears, and more.

Chaplain

A member of the clergy who is responsible for the religious needs of an organization and/or its constituents.

Palliative Care Clinician

A specialist whose aim is to improve the quality of life of their patients over the course of their illness regardless of stage, by relieving pain and other symptoms of that illness.

Social Worker

A trained professional who works with people, groups and communities to help them better their lives.

Neonatologists are pediatric clinicians specially trained in caring for sick and premature infants. A psychologist, therapist, or chaplain or other advisor can offer emotional and spiritual support. Palliative care clinicians can help you clarify your goals for your child and act as a liaison with the other medical team members. A social worker also offers this support and can help with other basic care needs for you and your family.

Neonatal intensive care can be very intimidating. You are surrounded by experts and their equipment and procedures. There are people to meet and come to trust, tools to learn and perhaps use yourself. There are meetings where the medical team explains options to you and wants your direction. Suddenly you are the authority on a very small being whom you love so fiercely but are just getting to know. Having to make decisions can feel empowering or threatening or both. There’s a lot at stake.

Your child needs you in other ways too. In many situations you can be together at almost all times. Once your baby is stable you will be encouraged to hold them. Physical contact, especially skin to skin, helps you and the baby bond—to feel mutual love and security. The NICU will teach you other ways to care for your newborn as well, depending on their condition and needs.

It’s no wonder that emotions are high and strong. At the same time that you may wish to be happy and excited, it is perfectly normal to be anxious and upset. You may be frightened for your child and fearful for their future and for your family. You may be angry and/or have feelings of guilt. You and your co-parent, if you have one, may have feelings about getting close to the baby. You may have different reactions at different times, and your feelings may change at any given time. In fact, you may find moments of joy and hope as you come to know your child and this new reality.

It is important during this stressful time to take care of yourself as much as possible. It may be hard to leave your child, even for a moment, but spend just a few minutes away from the NICU each day. Check in with family and friends when you can, to take in their love and support. And try to sleep and eat well. As with everything else that is ahead, you will be better able to cope when you are feeling strong and rested.

Exploring your feelings with a professional can be very helpful. You might also find support from other parents who have experienced life in the NICU. Ask what support groups and counseling are available to you. The section Orienting to Hospital includes useful information to help you adapt. The CPN guide “Framework for Sharing Decision-Making with Your Child’s Clinicians” can also be a helpful resource.

“Sometimes the miracle is that we got this far … I have said to parents that I don’t want you to miss the fact that you’re in the midst of it and … to savor every moment and all the time you have.”

– Frances M., clinician