We can never know how we will feel when our child dies. Certainly it is a loss like any other, the most painful and lasting loss of all. It may be easiest to imagine a sense of profound absence and corresponding sadness. Many families also speak of intense loneliness, of a loss of hope. Some parents speak of feeling the spiritual presence of their child despite the physical absence.

With time, you may experience bursts of new energy and ideas, or lingering questions, or regret, or relief, or all of these and more. Family dynamics and other relationships may change. One thing is certain: life is different, and it will never be the same.

It is typical and natural for grieving parents to question how they will survive and whether the family will survive. You may fear for your own health and safety, your parenting partnership, your surviving children. As each family member looks for ways to cope, you may find that your ways of grieving clash. For example, one might continue to question decisions they made, while another may be at peace. One might prefer quiet time while another wants to talk about the loss. One might turn to spiritual practice while another experiences loss of faith. One may want to display photos or mementos, and another may find it too painful to see these things. One may want to have others join in the sorrow while another wants to be alone or only with family members. And the feelings and responses will evolve over time.

These dynamics can create even greater tension in a household already struggling. Identifying, understanding and respecting the many ways in which people grieve can bring family, friends and community together in a spirit of love and support.

The Courageous Parents Network section “Coping with Loss” is an in-depth exploration of grief in bereavement, including grief behaviors to anticipate and understand, grieving with others, identity as parent and grief in siblings, with commentary from parents and clinicians.