The death of a loved one, and a child especially, challenges the idea of maintaining a relationship with them. But almost all relationships evolve over time, including our relationships with people who have died. It is natural to want, and it is possible to have, a continuing relationship with your child. Perhaps you anticipated this need and found ways to create memories that will live past your child’s lifespan. You may want to maintain these and other valued rituals. You may also create new rituals or ways of intentionally remembering your child.

Along the illness journey you have experienced change. Your child has needed you in different ways. And you have needed your child as well: not just to live their life, but also to teach you how to live yours as you have cared for them. If your child has left you with some ideas of how to go on, they did so in the hope that you would carry their memory forward. Now that is up to you.

Like everything about grief, the interest and desire to continue bonds is deeply personal. For some, the bonds need to be public. Others prefer private. The Courageous Parents Network guide “Continuing Bonds” includes many examples.

The guide also notes something important to remember: your bonds or ways of staying connected are likely to change and may be different than the ways others stay attached. If or when this happens, you will recognize that you are still very much in a relationship. It is a different relationship but one that, like all others, evolves over time.