Work
Whether you chose to work during your child’s illness—or had the choice made for you out of necessity—you may now find yourself approaching the idea of work differently. For some, returning to a structure and a community of co-workers will feel like a warm and welcome relief. For others, the work environment may feel quite the opposite, and having to work will feel like an imposition or even an impossibility. Sometimes work may feel too demanding or too stressful. Working while grieving takes both self-compassion and open communication with colleagues.
Your Team:
A mental health professional who uses therapy and other strategies to support coping and adjustment and treat concerns regarding social, emotional, or behavioral functioning.
A trained professional who works with people, groups and communities to help them better their lives.
A professional who can help families manage their financial affairs and work towards their long-term financial goals.
A professional who handles bookkeeping and sorts out the financial documents.
A psychologist or social worker can provide a neutral space for talking through any concerns as you return to work and adapt. If your company offers an employee assistance program, the team can direct you to available resources for bereaved employees, including changes to benefits you and your family have received. If you can’t or don’t wish to return to work, a financial planner or accountant can help you determine your family’s needs.
You may have concerns about how your co-workers will treat you. Hopefully your managers and colleagues will want to be helpful, but they may not have experience in supporting a grieving colleague and they may not know what to say or do. Ideally, they will be empathetic and accommodating. Depending on your job, you might wish to negotiate how you return to work over time—number of hours or days, to start. On the personal side, you can help others in your organization by periodically sharing how you are feeling and letting them know that you are comfortable talking about your child. This is a signal that it’s acceptable to have conversations about your circumstances. If you would prefer not to talk about your loss, you can also let others know that.
If an employee assistance program is available, the advisors can be very helpful to you and others in your workplace as you determine the terms of your work and navigate this journey.
“I think people are afraid of feeling bad. They’re afraid of things that could bring them down. I had a conversation with my boss before I left my job. It was maybe six months after Havi had died. My boss told me that when I was in the office sometimes that my energy was low, and that I was bringing people down, and they didn’t know how to be around me, and that that was really hard for them. And I was like incredulous, hard for them? Are you kidding me? I never get to hold my daughter ever again and she died six months ago. This is raw. This is raw, raw, raw.“
– Matt, parent of Havi
